Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
