Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
