Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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