so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
