You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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