no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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