youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
