what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
