why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I smell like Dick and happiness
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
