I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
