All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
