I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
How does one acquire holy water?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
