mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
