its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
only if we run a train.
done.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
