dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
