since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
is wine microwaveable?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
