Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
