i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
