if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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