I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
