The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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