I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
