it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
