i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
