This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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