He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
