Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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