no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Randomize
