life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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