Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
