Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
