I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
