i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
