Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
