A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
