my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize