...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
