"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
