I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
