hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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