If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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