You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Still dying that you shit outside
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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