what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Vodka?
Forever.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
