This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
