I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
