I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
