I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize