how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Randomize
