He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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