After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
