This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
