Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Can you bring me the toilet please
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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