im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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