My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
