We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize