I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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