my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
