Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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