did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
