Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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