Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
