her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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