I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
