I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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