Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
where are my pants?
in the oven.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
